Adventures before work

Friday morning was a real blast.

Sleeping all night in 20 minute naps makes me a little delirious.  (My best four-legged friend, Solomon, an almost 10 year old pit bull,is back in chemo treatment and seems very restless all night long.)

Got sidetracked by a phone call Thursday night and forgot to go looking for the holiday wrapping paper for my Secret Santa gift…..which ultimately, was in the attic. Something great to look forward to in the  morning – the ole drop-down ladder to the attic trick….on almost zero z’s and a few drops of coffee. Nice. 

But, I brought down the outside string light tree and a tabletop tree while I was up there. Why not spend an hour on the front patio in the cold to add to the light-up-the-corner efforts? And give Creepy Cat something new to knock down (he’s never seen a Christmas tree).

Then came the wrapping.

Note to self: Never choose dumbbells to give as a gift.

I was happy to see a 15-year-old boy asking for free weights – healthy, fit, maybe a little attentive to his appearance. One of his wish items was for 10 or 20 lb weights.  It’s all good til you realize that even with 10 lb weights, you have to get TWO….and 20 lbs in a box is a real treat to wrap! Even more of a treat to lug up the side of the mountainous parking lot at work first thing in the morning. I never want to gain 20 pounds – I thought I was going to need a sit-down break at the top of the steps before I entered the building!

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Before I could get out the door, my Dood rushed me wearing his pitiful cone (lampshade, post-surgical). Bad enough when he rushes me without it. He gets a good solid bite clamped down on one foot, at least. With the cone, it’s a bigger fiasco, and when it’s from behind, the cone can buckle my knees and leaves him grabbing my ankles or calves instead of my shoes.

Friday, he rammed me so hard he busted the cone and knocked one of the tabs out of the slot. Got the tab in, but the huge crack in the cone created a very large flap. Not only could he find a way around it to get at the incision on his knee, but he tripped over the big waving flap every time he took a step.

Already late, I grabbed the packing tape dispenser I’d just used to tape shut the box of weights. Using the tape roller doesn’t work the same on a cone as it does on a box. Tape stuck to itself everywhere, even after I grabbed the scissors to cut it. Try applying tape to a cone flapping around the head of an already upset pitbull. It’s a real treat.

I left with the cone semi tacked in place to resemble a cone, backed out the front door with my 20 pound gift in a re-usable fabric shopping bag, and heaved a huge sigh.

It took me most of the ride to work before the overwhelmed tears actually started rolling out from under my sunglasses (after I called the neighbor to ask him to go over & do a better tape job on the cone).

Back to the walk up the mountainside……I finally made it. Obviously, hugging a 20 lb package and balancing a sloshing cup of coffee caused me to activate the night-blinker attached to my coat zipper - the one I use for night walking with the dog. I arrived at the guard station, huffing & puffing, sweating, red and runny-nosed, and BLINKING! The guards found it hilarious!

Thankfully, I was able to laugh along with them by then, but it sure was a little too much adventure to have before work!  And a great reminder to ease up on the holiday feasts & treats - I'll never make it up that hill every morning if I have to carry an extra 20 pounds!

Hugs Between Strangers

I sat outside the vet hospital, waiting for my appointment to pick Solomon (my 9-year-old pit bull and best 4-legged friend) up from his 2nd ACL repair surgery. About the time I needed to get inside, the lady parked next to me brought her pit bull out and opened the back door to put her in the car.

I waited.

After a few moments of watching her adjust the blankets, I decided I could still get out and offer to help if she needed.

I opened the door & stepped out and she closed the back door and stood looking at me with a rather strange look on her face. She heaved a heavy sigh and looked pitifully at me.  "SOOO stressful!" she said, pulling a pack of cigarettes out of her pocket.  "I feel like I just want to burst into tears!"

We chatted a few minutes and I learned that she had just come from her consult with the same surgeon who had just performed the surgery on Solomon. Her dog, too, had a torn ACL. Her dog, too, was a pit bull - a dog she'd found, and bonded with and came to know as her very loyal companion. A wonderful dog that defied all the stereotypes of the breed.

We had much in common in only a two minute chat.  We bonded instantly.

"You're from Pennsylvania?!" she asked, surprised, nodding at my license plate. I explained Solomon's first failed ACL repair and the recommendations that got us here. I also described my very positive experiences with this doctor and this facility.  She was unsure.  "I was complaining about my 20 minute drive to this place," she said after I told her we'd driven 2 hours. "I saw a billboard by my house," she said.  "ACL surgery for $2,000." She paused.  "It's not about the money.  I mean, I'll do whatever I have to do for her," she added, glancing at her dog in the back seat.

We walked inside and she went to speak to the assistant she'd talked to during her consult, while I checked in. The same woman who had talked to us in our consult. I could hear them discussing familiar terms and medications.  "Good luck," we told each other as I passed by to cross the room.

I saw her again as she was checking out and I walked over. "They do the follow up and the rehab program here," I whispered in her ear as the assistant watched me. "We did not get that where we went before and it really is important."  She nodded.  "Dr. L greeted us in this waiting room yesterday when I dropped him off for surgery and Dr. L was the one who called me last night to tell me how the surgery went and explained the details."  She nodded again.

As I turned to walk away, she turned around and hugged me.  A perfect stranger before no more than a 5-minute exchange.

There may have been another muttering of "Good luck" as we parted, but there was really nothing more to say.

Sometimes the biggest comfort comes from a stranger....

And I needed that hug as much as she did.

Take a Moment

I was leaving work tonight, running late, trying to hurry home to get the dog to take him for his 4th chemo treatment.  The time was cutting it close, anyway, and the visit lasts a while because they have to take blood first, test it, then give the treatment.  There's really no time to poke around.

As I approached my car at the bottom of the parking lot, I spotted 3 or 4 deer grazing in the field below the lot.  Late or not, I couldn't help but stop and snap a few photos and about 15 seconds of video, just in case it took movement to tell what they were from that distance.  Nature is a surprise a minute.  It's hard to resist.

I arrived home with just a few minutes to set the pet ramp up behind the car, put my things down, get Solomon out of the house and into the back.

Solomon suddenly decided he really didn't want to go and rolled over on his side, so I took my drink and purse to the car first & came back inside the gate to try again.  Over my shoulder, I saw a lady come from a truck parked in front of mine.  Solomon started barking, so I walked outside the fence to talk to her.

She asked me about my flowers, trying to find something new to plant at her own house.  She told me she passes every day and always looks to see the flowers.  And that quick, she was on her way back to the truck.

I turned back to my gate and in the pause where I turned back, tempted to offer to help her plant (she said she lives around the corner), she was already pulling away.

I was glad I didn't brush her off in my hurry and I was glad she stopped at all.  For me, it was affirmation that my landscape is achieving my goal - to give people something pleasing to look at, even if it's just driving by.

We hit a little traffic on our way to the vet and called to let them know we'd be a few minutes late.
 A small price to pay for a shared moment.  I hope she's glad she stopped, too...

Change of Season

I just spent all day in the yard - most of it breaking things down to store for the winter.  As depressing as it is to pack it all up and see the empty space, I know this change of season is the one thing that forces me to de-clutter the yard and the storage sheds.  Yes, that was plural - I've accumulated so much outdoor stuff, I've had to obtain multiple storage sheds and bins to accommodate everything.

 After dark, I sat on the front porch swing with my best 4-legged friend.  It was peaceful and it really felt good to sit there surrounded by the newly open space. 

I'm someone who is known to spend all day in the yard, always working on something.  I squeeze every  drop of sunlight out of a day.  The days have been getting shorter and soon it will be dark too early to do much out there.  I may tinker around with a few new designs using oddball pavers, but the majority of the landscape work is done for the year.

As much as I hate to wish time away, I am really looking forward to next summer.  This place is going to be awesome next summer!  I'm leaving off at a point where I'm all set for a few great spring projects.  The good thing is, I will have a few months' break from chasing down the abundant weeds and hopefully be able to get ahead of them in the spring.

Maybe the biggest relief of this year's change of season is leaving the outside projects and being able to focus totally on the indoor projects.  Last winter, I spent months confined to mostly my bedroom or the couch as I recovered from knee surgery.  No access to the basement for months - no home improvement projects.

Yes, I'm looking forward to a season of transforming my cluttered home office into a streamlined desk space with a wall of books.  I need this space to be an inspiration for my writing.  Doing the inside work this season will prepare it for the major project next year to open it up with an inspirational view of the back yard.  And a sliding door to that space is going to allow me to step right into my backyard paradise.

Each season has a reason, I suppose.  As hard as it is to stay inside and miss the birds and flowers....it's a season for change....

Someone to Share My Cookies

One of my previous posts talks about a guy who sat next to  me at work and how I realized he liked donuts....just before he left the company.  It took me a few months to get to know him after I was displaced & moved into the cube next to him.  But, I no sooner recognized that kindred spirit and he was gone.

This week, a friend of mine from work found out she got his old job!  I am so excited!  For many reasons...

It's not my department, but it is my division.  I used to work in the same department with her, years ago, so I know what she can do....well, she can do much more now....

I actually applied for a different position in that same department - it just happened to open soon after that one.  Oh, I was so hopeful that we would both land those positions and be working together again.  I mean, as "not easy" as my acclimation was to the team I worked in with her years ago, she and I really ended up having a great working relationship, and more.  Turns out, I didn't even get an interview for the other position, but it doesn't even matter.  I'm just as excited that she'll be (probably) sitting next to me.  And, of course, I know that department just added an excellent person to their team.

It's funny.  We're working in a world where remote teams and diverse geographic locations are the norm in business.  Work gets done - we have the technology.  And for those who really put forth the effort, it really is possible to form "personal" relationships with people miles and miles away.  I don't care what anyone says.  Where there's a will, there's a way.

And don't mistake "personal" for romantic or inappropriate.  I really mean it in the way that forms the connections that make work life more human.  The things the classes tell you you're supposed to do - find out what motivates people, what matters to them - find common ground.  I have formed those types of relationships with people I work with across the miles, and it really does work.

And, yet, there is still something special about being able to peek around a cubicle wall and smile.  Or greet in the morning, or walk with to the cafeteria.

I really have tried to do those things with the people who sit near me already...even though I really don't work with them.  It's slow.  Everybody's too busy.  Or too absorbed.  And, honestly, it's been pretty lonely. I sit in my cube and work and eat.  I pack my lunch and snacks to last the whole day long. 

Connections are important.

I'm excited.  I'll soon have someone to share my cookies...

Dare to Make Someone's Day

It doesn't take much - sometimes just a few seconds - to make someone's day.  I know, because I am thankful any time someone takes the time to be kind to me.  Not only does it feel good, but it can last all day!

Last week, I was walking down the hall at work and I saw a lady I know coming toward me.  She was wearing a sleeveless top and in that moment, she was absolutely radiant!  "You are really looking great!" I told her as I approached. 

I wish you could have seen her face beaming.  "Oh, THANK YOU," she said with a huge smile.

Now, I happen to know that this lady worked hard to lose a bit of weight a few years back.  I also recently saw her in the gym at work, where she told me she continues to work out faithfully.  I also know that she's recently suffered the loss of her sister and I think she has some other family things going on.  In general, I really like her.  We aren't close and only have a conversation every few months, if that.  But she's someone I really want to feel good, so it's never hard to pay her a compliment.

The thing is, though I am often attentive to the people closest to me, I don't reserve my compliments for people I like, or even people that I know.  When I step into the elevator, where it's normally silent, I'm quick to comment on a pretty necklace or a colorful dress.  I often pay attention to the details of the people at the grocery store checkout, the waitress serving my food, or anyone in my sight for more than a second. 

I really believe that everyone deserves to feel important, or at least feel like someone sees them, even for a moment.  And if there's something to compliment, even better.

So, I encourage you to point out the positives in the people you know, but also to step outside most people's comfort zone and comment on something to a perfect stranger.  Make it a habit - because it's not just rewarding when you're on the receiving end - the smile you can bring to someone else's face is absolutely priceless!

Decisions, Decisions...

I'm a person who has a difficult time making decisions.  Not like ice cream flavors - I really like only a few flavors enough to eat a whole dish - even with 52 flavors on the board.  But putting a remote in my hand in a house with 200 tv channels is a total nightmare for me.  Too many choices!

Honestly, choosing from several fairly equal options is a challenge.  A or B makes life much easier for me.  Most people like options... love choices....but, too many choices take me too long to weigh and compare. 

But the big and potentially life-changing decisions are the hardest.  And even more so when it's not just my life.

Over a month ago, I made the decision to pursue chemotherapy treatment for my dog.  He's my BEST friend.  And after 3 surgeries to remove new tumors, 3 months in a row, it seemed that choice was almost made for me.  I mean, what's the alternative?  More surgeries?  Or...do nothing?  I can't even fathom how to do that....the doing nothing option.  Still, it was an excruciating decision.

After a week of horrible gastrointestinal side effects and him barely wanting to move, I started to question my decision.  Maybe fortunately, his first 2-week lab check brought results that stopped the treatment.  I've been enjoying his slow return to normal, but the vet finally caught up with me and we had to discuss next steps and I had to make a new decision rather quickly.  A different kind of chemo...

My mom tells me you can't second guess.  You just make the best decision you can and stand by it.

So, knowing the potential side effects and the impacts the whole thing will have on me (mostly things that will bring even more stress), I'll move forward with sadness, pray a lot, and hope for the best.

When more than one big and potentially life-changing decision looms, it is very tempting to stick my head in the sand and hope that when I come up for air, the decision has somehow been made for me.  There have been way too many of those types of decisions in the past year.  And ignoring them never did make them go away.  There are days when I still wonder if I made the right decisions.

Some of the other decisions that lie ahead are big ones.  I know myself well enough to know that making these decisions will likely be harder than dealing with the consequences of the final ruling.

I sure do miss the days of choosing A, B, or maybe C.  And what I miss more is the ability to make a decision and move forward without ever missing a beat.

Understanding Your Influence

I'm a person of MANY interests.  I enjoy so many activities, from African drumming and martial arts to landscaping and creative writing.  Some of those have lasted years, others, as with anyone, have ebbed and flowed and some have fallen by the wayside.

Enjoying any given activity is generally something that stays with a person.  Sure, we can lose interest, and sometimes we get hooked on certain things based on the life circumstances or situations of any given time.  For example, people may be coaching children's soccer only when their children are involved.  That kind of change is pretty normal.

What I find to be sad is that people can maintain interests and enjoyment in activities, yet, ultimately be put off by the people they need to tolerate in the meantime.  "Why can't we all just get along?" you ask...If only it was that simple.  People really can be a valid deterrent to pursuing your life's pleasures - simple or otherwise.

As I've personally experienced this phenomenon, I can attest that it's true.  And, sad to say, I've dropped out of some activities that were very enjoyable, satisfying, and rewarding because people tainted the experience for me.  Why do I give people that much power?  Again, if only it was as simple as ignoring the people that come with it.

But I write this, not to complain.  (Although I really do miss some of the things I've done, both hobbies and pleasure, as well as jobs.)

It's just as important to realize the influence each of us has to either build up or tear down, to enhance or detract from the experience of the people around us.

I personally never want to  be the reason anyone turns away from their dream, quits a job, or gives up something they enjoy.

If you don't have anything good to say....maybe it's better to say nothing at all.  You'd be surprised at who's listening, watching, or simply putting up with your actions....

5 Minutes

I worked all day. Busy, busy. Important work, they say.

Had to stay a little late this evening.  I've always been one of the late people at work - I think I like the peace of being alone in there, even though I'm still just in my cube.

It's quiet.  And I've spent years greeting the people who come after hours to clean the offices.

Tonight, I spent 5 minutes talking with the guy assigned to my floor.  We've exchanged hellos before, but little more.  He started out asking if my cube neighbor had moved, yet.  He had told him he was moving away.  Yes, he had.  But he continued to talk.  Checking in about the recent flood impact and relaying his own. But what caught my attention was where he lives, where he came from, how did he end up there....

It was a short conversation, but I learned about his family, about his challenges, the reason he walks with a forearm crutch, and his determination to recover from a tumor operation that left him unable to walk.

It only took 5 minutes to listen....

I did my "important work" all day long and didn't feel the satisfaction I felt in that 5 minutes of my day....

Making Connections

In all areas of my life, I have the opportunity to come into contact with a LOT of people.  Work people, dog people, drumming people, community people, and that's just the tip of the iceberg.  I'm not saying that I have more opportunity than most people, but those specific pockets have big social potential.

What may be unique is that I often feel drawn to actually connect with so many people in those arenas.

Admittedly, I am much more of a one-on-one person than a crowd person.  I can be in crowds and participate in activities that are "group" in nature, but I'm much more content when I can feel engaged in smaller groups or with individuals.  If it comes down to a matter of quality vs. quantity, I guess I prefer the richness of my relationships.

At work, recently, I find myself face-to-face with people I worked alongside nearly 20 years ago.  The memories aren't as clear, and I can't name their children any more, but there's something about the flicker of recognition in their eyes and the way we pause for more than just a quick "hello" that tells me I've been this way for a very long time.  And with my newer work colleagues, the nature of my job, and the advent of facebook that sometimes blends my personal and professional lives, the connections go beyond the workplace.

In my life outside of work, it's even more evident that I not only connect, but almost attach to people, often in the most unlikely ways.  Not that it bothers me, but the realization of that fact really wonders me.

About a week ago, I sat across the street on the neighbor's porch with the kids and their mom.  As I sat with my legs dangling over the front of the porch, I soaked up the familiarity of that position - just a year ago, I spent collective hours sitting right there, feeding and trying to befriend a large number of feral cats in the hopes of trapping and placing them in safe new homes.

As I sat there, I thought about three of the seven I was able to re-home in a single place, and made a mental note to check back in with the woman who was kind enough to take them.  All of the new homes were found through craigslist, believe it or not.  And of three homes, this one was the best.  Two kitties were trapped in the first round and the lady was patient and willing enough to take the last one, which took me weeks to catch. 

Maybe it was the shared journey that lasted more than just a trap, transport, and transfer that created a deeper connection, but I felt so blessed for that more lasting connection.  These kitties were to become barn kitties and live safely in a large tack room.  I was able to visit them after they moved there, and as I lived many years with horses in my life, she invited me to see the new baby (horse, that is) and also invited me over to ride.  We only rode once, but it was a huge event for me to be back in the saddle after so many years, and she even took pictures of me that I posted on facebook! The last kitty placed with her turned up with a painful internal infection and had to be put down. Sad, but I guess that was part of the journey, too.

It's been a busy week, and I haven't been on facebook much, but I did see a few pics she posted and commented on at least one.  It slipped my mind to check in on the kitties after the mental note I made a week ago.  What a pleasant surprise to see her chat me up on facebook this morning, specifically to let me know that the kitties (Mr. Bill and Maggie) are doing great and are now her friends!  We chatted a few minutes and I felt bad that I had totally missed the fact that her husband passed away two months ago.  I never met him, but I did know he'd been sick.  My heart goes out to her for such a loss after more than 40 years together - 39 married.

So, all that to say, it may be hard to keep up with so many people, but I feel so blessed to have those connections.  And that one isn't the only lasting friendship that came from a simple craigslist ad!  I have one lady who calls to check in on me and my dog, Solomon, as we've both had health issues in the past year.  Another periodically emails photos to me so show how a life-size dummy she got from me is helping with each new fund-raising activity.

It's a rich life. 

Make connections....it's worth every single second it takes to stop and say more than "hello."

It's All Temporary

I started a new position at work about 4 months ago.  New boss, new co-workers, new work, new location, which means new cube neighbors, too.

In just those four months, I've seen one person let go, an intern come and go, and someone else just told me yesterday that he's moving on - new job, new company, new city and state.  The rate of change is incredible to me.  And every change has, at least, some small ripple effect.

I'm a relationship builder at work.  I greet people, in the morning. I check out their cubes and inquire about their photos. I ask questions to find out who they are.  I like to know who I'm dealing with - what motivates them, what makes them smile, whether I can trust them.  Even the people I can't see - the ones I work with in other locations - I always find a way to connect in a way that's more than just, "Hey, I need you to do this for me."

Last week, I found out my cube neighbor (the one leaving) likes donuts - even at 3:30 in the afternoon.  I was excited - someone I could invite to join me in my late day sugar-shock pick-me-ups, or just someone to share with.  May sound dumb, but in a new environment where I often feel lonely, it was a pretty bright moment.

So, all that to say, even though everything is so temporary, it's still worth the bright moments that happen.  He probably has no idea how something as simple as being able to share a donut made my day and beyond.  Maybe it was a bright spot for him, too - that someone shared a donut with him?  Either way, I'm happy for him.  And even though it's been a short acquaintance, I'll miss him.

The challenging part in all this is being able to flow with all the change. But, I guess change, too, is temporary.  Maybe it's just how you deal with it, and who's around to accompany you.  And even when the people come and go, and it feels like even many people in my life are temporary, I have to keep in mind that, I guess it doesn't matter how long you're there....it's that you were there at all.

Self-Designed Landscape - Beautiful, but not for the faint of heart!

When I bought my little house on the curbside postage stamp ground, it was a blank canvas.  I required the 6-foot white vinyl privacy fence for the back yard as a term of the sale.  Otherwise, I had a centered house on a plot of creeping grass with two huge pine trees out front.

The trees were great for bird-watching - chickadees and woodpeckers frequented the shady front yard.  The grass, I was told, was the really good stuff.

By first summer, I realized the pine trees dripped sap all over my yard furniture, the grass was aggressively creeping over the sidewalks every week or two, and I guess I wasn't looking at the crumbling curbs buried beneath the mid-January snow when I signed the initial agreement.  Not only that, the dog hated the back yard - the fence blocked his view of anything interesting and he entertained himself by digging holes.  And since he much preferred the busy street out front, it became obvious that I'd need some sort of fence out front to keep him from escaping when he dodged me at the front door.

I got rid of the sappy pine trees, and took the most immediate, affordable route to secure the front entrance - ornamental fencing from Lowes that only requires driving stakes into the ground to install.  Not cheap, but I was able to start by fencing the front porch, the next year adding on/expanding further.

Lesson #1 - Fencing, even the low, ornamental type, adds maintenance to cutting the grass. 

I had to buy a weed whacker, in addition to the lawnmower and the sidewalk edger (to keep the creeping grass under control), and of course, then I needed a shed to store them in.  You don't put an 8x10 shed on grass, so there was another project of digging the foundation, shoveling in stone (by the wheelbarrow-full, since there's no rear access to the property and the stone had to be delivered out front).  The shed filled quickly, as did the list of duties and projects.

As the front fence expanded, so did my desire for flowers, a patio, and yard decorations.  I hated dragging the mower around all the obstacles in the yard, I hated weed-whacking, I hated the constant sidewalk trimming.  So, I vowed to get rid of all grass except the back yard.

I've spent at least 6 years building a gorgeous front yard, complete with patio, fountain, and flower beds galore!  Neighbors and strangers, alike, express their appreciation for the beauty.  The side yards have been painstakingly paved in a wide variety of pavers and patio block - to cut down lawn maintenance and direct rainwater away from the foundation.  Even the back yard has paving and flower beds around the perimeter fence.

It's been a blessing that I live on such fertile ground, that volunteer tomatoes magically grow into crop bearing plants, rose bushes double or triple in size from one season to next, seedling trees grow quickly, and everything grows at least twice the expected size.

Unfortunately, the weeds follow the same pattern and effortlessly anchor themselves in every crevice and surface.  That means the flower beds, the patio, the still crumbling curbs, and every paved surface on the property.

Yesterday, I spent at least an hour or two pulling hardy weeds, just in front of the front fence.  I filled two large trash cans, overflowing.  I haven't touched the front yard or the back.

Some days, the creeping grass and sap-dripping trees don't seem so awful, after all.

But then, I guess nobody could have convinced me of that when I started this journey...

Post Canine ACL and New Doggie Chemo, All in the Same Week

So, Solomon's knee needed a little more than a doggie massage, after all.  Tuesday was two weeks post ACL repair surgery for him.  Honestly, I thought he was walking better last week.  But we got the staples out Monday, and the incision has healed beautifully.

During the same surgery, they removed three new mast cell tumors  on that same thigh.  It's the third time in three months that new mast cell tumors have appeared and been removed.  Surgery #3, and even though everything's tested out to grade 1 or 2, it's time to pursue chemo drugs to try to prevent them vs. additional surgeries under anesthesia to removed them.

We already had the appointment with the oncology specialist vet when a new mast cell tumor popped up.  It's been not even two weeks since the last ones were removed.  Yes, the decision to pursue chemo was necessary.

As of today, it's been 2 days since we started the chemo drug, Kinavet.  First night, diarrhea within the first hour and a half, requiring urgent bathroom outings every 30 minutes.  Slept a few hours, had an appetite, ate breakfast, and the explosive diarrhea set back in shortly thereafter.  Fed him a "bland diet" of rice & boiled chicken for dinner.  Still diarrhea, but only one outing 2 hours after dinner and a vomiting episode at 4 am.

Today, picked up three new medications to tame the diarrhea, which is still present.  More rice & chicken for lunch, first dose of two of the new medications.  An urgent rush for the door within 20 minutes and explosive, bloody diarrhea.  My poor Dood.

So, we're not even close to being able to take walks.  He steps 10 feet outside the front gate and parks himself to watch the goings-on in the neighborhood.  He walks if he has to "go" and seems a little obsessed with the view from across the street.  If it will cause him to exercise the post-surgical knee, I'll walk anywhere with him.

I had really hoped for the knee to be better healed before hitting my boy with one more devastating treatment, but here we are, facing it all at once.

I have several days to hire a pet-sitter for mid-day potty breaks and hope we have the side effects controlled enough for that to be enough.  I have no idea how the millions of other dog owners balance this type of situation....but I need to figure it out....quickly....

Took the Dog for a Massage and Ice Cream in the Same Night

My dog has been having issues with his knee.  It's been a long and grueling summer for him, health-wise, so the thought of a possible torn ACL is pretty heartbreaking.  He's been through two surgeries and ACL surgery is serious stuff - I should know.  I just had my own reconstructed just about 8 months ago.  It really shouldn't be his turn.

So, I had a massage appointment last night & was telling my therapist about Solomon's knee.  "Bring him in for a massage," she says.  I love my massage therapist.  She's a real character, very good at what she does, and game for all kinds of things to help out.  She also started learning dog massage a while back.  "Not sure if it'll help, but it can't hurt," she says.

So, tonight, I took my boy over.  I'm never quite sure how he's going to respond to new things.  I have to muzzle him most of the time at the vet.  But tonight, he was just cool as a cucumber and happy as a clam as he gazed out over her back yard and panted calmly in the gentle breeze.  She poked and prodded and he never flinched.  I was so happy!

After about 10-15 minutes, she says, "I'm getting pretty deep into here.  Just watch & let me know if he looks like he's going to bite me."  He acted like he was getting the rub-down of his life.  I'm so glad he actually enjoyed it!

She said she's only going to charge me if it actually helps him, and sent us on our way.  Did I mention I love my massage therapist?

So, we left there & I thought, "I'm gonna take him for ice cream.  He was a good boy, and I didn't take him when I mentioned it to him earlier this week."  Yes, he's spoiled.

We pulled into our favorite ice cream place and it wasn't busy.  Three customers at the window and you'd swear they never saw a dog when we walked up.  Yes, I took Solomon up to the window with me.  He was already halfway out of the car.

These guys all acted like they had no idea what to say.  Dood was sniffing the ground (that's what dogs do when there's good stuff spilled all over the ground, right?).  One man stated the obvious, "uh, he's really sniffing."  OK, should I pretend I didn't hear that?  The way the other two guys are pretending they don't see us?

We got our ice cream and turned toward a bench.  One new customer actually reached down, petted him, and said, "hey, Homer."  Dood really doesn't care what anybody calls him....as long as they call him.

We sat on the bench.  Dood acted like he had nothing wrong - climbed up on the bench, sat beside me, climbed down, climbed back up.  More customers, more people I know saw us, and pretended they didn't see a thing.  I started to worry that we'd somehow become invisible.

Ate the ice cream, took some pictures of him.  Gave him the last of it.  Back to the car, pulled the ramp out of the back.  Again, he acted like nothing wrong - had to convince him to use the ramp vs. jumping over it (I mean, really....what would these people think of the crazy lady with the dog at the ice cream place, pulling out a ramp the dog obviously didn't need?).  Of course, he sat there looking like this was a trick opportunity....ran back down the ramp, ran back up the ramp.

I finally got him back in the car, collapsed the ramp, got in & drove off.  People still acted like they never saw us.

People can think I'm the crazy lady with the pit bull at the ice cream place.  I really don't care.  We had a great time - very relaxing, great ice cream, and we just love to hang out together.  It's so simple.

I'll be watching to see how the massage worked for him.  So far, he's climbing onto the swing with me and limping when he gets down.  But I'm really starting to wonder if my boy is really playing me.....after all....would he ever get a doggy massage AND ice cream on a Tuesday summer evening?

Packing Lunch

I'm not what I consider a very prepared person...well, in some ways, definitely, but let's just say I'm not the person who lays my clothes out the night before, has lunch packed at night, etc.

I'm not really a morning person, either.  Although, once I'm up, I'm great.  My brain does its best work in the morning, and I do enjoy the still of the awakening world around me.

Packing lunch in the morning takes time.  Especially the lunch I just packed.

After a whole week of working in the office, where I'm basically at the mercy of the pricey cafeteria, I decided I had no choice but to pack lunch.  Yes, I'm thrilled about dragging yet another piece of luggage up that monstrous uphill parking lot, but it is what it is.

I made my grocery list on Sunday and planned for items that would allow me to either take salads to work or sandwiches.  I'm still not sure how to do the dressing, as I didn't see any single serving packets at Giant.  So I planned for a little of both.

Let me start out by saying that I am horrified that I am actually intending to make meals of bologna, cheese, and white bread.  I haven't bought a loaf of bread in at least a year.  Now, I'm going to make it a staple.  ugh.

I've come to the point where, although I do still love my pastries, my actual meals are mostly salads - with berries & nuts or lots of tomatoes and other veggies.  As I've said, bread normally isn't on the menu.  I limit my weekly pizza intake, which used to be almost daily.  I rarely eat red meat, and I don't even bother much with chicken if I have to make it myself.  Fish and steamed asparagus or broccoli are the most cooking I do - and a steamer isn't really cooking.

Anyway, I packed my lunch this morning.  Took the time to cut the fresh veggies - I've determined I won't be having salads with dressing.  Leave the lettuce for dinner, and just take the peppers, cucumbers, and grape tomatoes.  The lunch bag is full.  I'll be able to graze all day long.  But I still have the sandwich - after all, I still need a carb in there somewhere.

We've admitted that eating healthy costs much more than it does to eat crap.  It also takes more time to eat healthy - I know, I cut fresh strawberries for my salad every single time - which is most evenings in the summer.

The mornings start earlier each day.  Packing lunch will either be mornings or I may become organized enough to pack at night.  But "packing" is the key.  My lunch, alone, looks like I'm going camping somewhere.  And with all my other bags of goodies I drag in to work...I really could just stay for days....

What Really Matters

It's been a long, hot, busy week.  It's so easy to get caught up in the rat race, especially with a still fairly new job transition, summer social activities, and the incredible maintenance of a self-landscaped yard with incredibly fertile soil (the kind that make perennials spread like wildfire and weeds can attach to even the tiniest granule of dirt).

I want to do a good job on the job.  It's my bread & butter, after all.  I need it to do all the things I'm doing - the home improvements, the yard projects, and more recently, the vet bills.  It's very high on the priority list to continue to be successful in a changing environment.

The landscape...well, I really thought I was doing a great thing when I decided to remove most of the grass and replace it with beautiful perennial flower beds and a variety of hardscaped patio areas and walkways.  Some days, I toy with the idea of pulling up all the blocks, raking back the stones, and planting the grass again.  After loading up the backpack sprayer with Round Up at least every other week, needing gloves and pruners to hack down very ambitious roses after the first blooming, and having to drag multiple trash cans around the yard to fit all the weeds I'm pulling out....maybe dragging the mower to the front yard, and weed-whacking weren't all that bad, after all.  I'm sure this is much more work - not to mention, the hardscape work is still far from complete.

This year, I'm at a slight disadvantage - physically, still not quite up to par.  Post ACL surgery knee is great for walking and back to 100% flexibility, but the hands & knees gardening and laying pavers is harder work than it has been for the last 5 years.  I'm slow this season and it shows.  But I still can't seem to bring myself to spend every free moment working the yard.

The past year has been a very eye-opening experience.  From eye-openers in the workplace to the impact of knee surgery, something happens to the priorities.  I'm more careful about how much time and energy I put into things that don't personally fulfill me.  I have definitely learned to appreciate the simplest things - like being able to take my own dog for a walk.  (For months, I was at the mercy of others to come walk with me because it wasn't safe for me to hold the leash attached to a very active pit bull on icy suburban streets.)  I've also gained an even bigger appreciation for the people in my life who care about me - enough to help care FOR me.

Time is the most precious commodity.  I truly believe that.  And it's so fleeting....

This afternoon, I brought my best friend, my dog, home from the vet's office after another whole day of being sedated - this time for xrays.  It's heartbreaking to watch him teetering on the seat beside me as he struggles to keep his eyes open and avoid slipping off the seat.  He's limping when he walks, but at least he wasn't in pain on the trip home - at least not like a month ago when I brought him home after surgery - when he whimpered and couldn't sit down and kept pawing for me to keep touching him.

He's 9 years old.  He's been through a lot.  Two surgeries within two months this summer, and it looks like we're headed for another next month.  And even though the latest issue is limiting his mobility, he still wants to play, wants to go for walks, wants to climb up on the porch swing with me, and still maintains his exuberant spirit.

So, I brought him home, set the ramp up to the bed (which he jumped over), and curled up with him for a nap.  It's Friday.  Many people would head out to party after a long and grueling week.

But he wanted me near.  And I have realized.....time is all we have.....and I know what really matters....

We Wear Work Badges Like Dog Tags

Last week, I traveled part of the week to my company's other campus.  It's a bigger city, lots of hustle & bustle.  Everything is built up vs. out, so there are lots of elevators & escalators and ID-coded secured entrances on most floors and wings.

What I couldn't help noticing was that, with all that security, I didn't notice many badges displayed.  But they were in hand to scan when necessary.

At my site, we wear our ID badges like dog tags.  Most people have the exact same around-the-neck lanyard, featuring the company logo.  It takes ID to a whole different level.  I think it really could be an "identity."

Once in a while, I see someone with a fancy beaded lanyard - usually women, with colors and bling.  It's the only sign of non-conformity.

Of course, may people go for the waistband clip with the retractable cord.  Not quite as much of a label, but still, often worn visibly.

I'm not knocking this trend of wearing the badge.  I mean, I often find it helpful to casually glance down and see the name, so I can address the person directly. 

But, as I stand back and watch so many members of a tired-looking, sometimes aging, sometimes out-of-shape workforce, I imagine these tags with the weight of chains, appearing to make the wearers trudge and shuffle slowly along with their heads and eyes cast down.

I often forget to take mine off when I leave the building.  More times than I can count, I've been approached in stores during my after-work errands, mistaken for a helpful store employee.  "Sorry, I really don't work here, but what are you looking for?"

So, in addition to wondering where people keep their ID badges - out of sight, yet, at the ready....I have to wonder if they think I look like an idiot wearing mine, so I don't lose it! 

"Dweeb."  (rolling eyes)

Too Serious?

Over the years, I've been told that I take things too seriously...take myself too seriously...

Can someone tell me what that really means?  "Take yourself too seriously..."

Yes, I can admit that I am a pretty serious person, overall.  Life is serious.  The world is serious.  There are so many issues and people in pain.  It's serious.

But I'm also a person who LOVES to have fun!  I've come a long way over the years.

I used to marvel at the way my brother played with my toddler cousins, and how my aunt played with them (her children), complete with sound effects.  That was in my teenage years, and I admit, I needed to lighten up.  After all, they were kids.

Years later, a friend took me to a playground, invited me to the swings and the seesaw, and years later, invited me for a walk, took my hand & asked me to skip.  I was at least in my late 20s.  It felt good!  And thereafter, I found myself prone to skipping in large open areas - especially the big city post office at night (I had a post office box).

Over the years, I think I've progressed in the "fun" department very well.  Children enjoy my company and the way I meet them where they are with imagination games.  Pretend stuff.  Like jumping on the bed to pretend it's a raft in an alligator-infested swamp as we search for the "secret idol" - a ceramic fish  piggy bank hidden in a dresser drawer.  I'm FUN!

These days, I'm the only woman I know who will jump into 3 inches of water in a baby pool, hollering," WOOOHOOOO!!!" just because my dog LOVES rowdy, vocal play.  (And this is in the front yard, along a main street, where plenty of people might actually see me.)

I'm still serious about the state of the world, the work I do, and the condition of people.  But I really do find that I can have fun almost anywhere - I pride myself in being able to make the best of almost any situation.

So, can someone tell me what does it means to take yourself too seriously?

Work/Life Balance

I've been working from home at least one day a week, often more, for the majority of the past 12 years. It's been WONDERFUL!

I'm one of those people who loves the still and silence.  And even when my workplace office is fairly quiet, there's just something about having other people around that interferes with my own working vibe.  I basically write for a living and the first manager who allowed me to work from home "got me" - understood that solitude and flexibility allowed me to give her my very best.  I'm "one of those creative people" who marches to the beat of a different drummer.  And I'm also one of those people fortunate enough to be self-disciplined enough to actually WORK when I'm in the comfort of home and relaxed attire.  Many people tell me they could never do it.

The company went through a few years of relaxing into a variety of options that promote "work/life balance" - where many people have been able to choose a flexible work schedules and/or remote locations.  I, for one, know that I've gotten very spoiled with the flexibility.

A recent shift in position for me hasn't been the only indication that everyone hasn't embraced this concept of flexibility in the workplace.  As a matter of fact, I'm watching the signs all around me that indicate that we could be moving back into the direction of the 80's and 90's - before the days of casual dress codes, flexible schedules, and definitely before anyone talked about "work/life balance."

I'm really not sure what to think of it.  We have a fitness center, a bank, a small variety/convenience store, and now a health center and pharmacy on site.  Essentially, things are built in to where you rarely have to leave!  (We even had food/grocery ordering and delivery for a while.)  I appreciated that service for a while, until it became more than just fresh fruit & veggies, and I refused to have groceries delivered to my workplace when I'd have to load up like a pack mule or take multiple trips from my floor of the building to car - which involved very long stretches of stairs across large parking lots.  Unless they were willing to get carts....no thanks.

These days, I'm trying to acclimate to using the gym at work to replace what I have been doing in physical therapy for many post-operative months.  In theory, it sounds great!  I can get my strength & stability exercises in over lunch or at least all in one place.  But dragging an extra piece of luggage up the long uphill parking lot is less than appealing.  Not to mention the whole experience of changing clothes, working up a sweat, and then changing again to return to work.  It was so much easier dressing for the day in PT-friendly clothes and working from home.  But that's just me.

I could be just getting more resistant to change over time.  Or it could be that I'm just plain spoiled and I'm mad. 

But it's making me think about the bigger picture.

I'm questioning whether other businesses are moving backwards in the work/life balance theory in terms of flexible working arrangements.  (After all, we know that trends like outsourcing were huge, and some  companies are starting to back-pedal on that, as well.)  Or if offering more and more services in the workplace is tipping the balance in another direction. After all, more time in the building is less time at home. 

Just wondering what the trends really are, what really works, and where we're headed.....

Creating a Haven

I'm enjoying an average Saturday afternoon in July from the shaded protection of the gazebo on my patio - aka, The Cabana.  I'm in an average outskirt of a small city - neighbors are close, but the houses aren't connected.  That was my major stipulation when I went house-hunting 6 years ago - no duplex, townhouse, rowhome.

The house is only 720 square feet - I've had apartments bigger than this house!  You can literally stand in the center and see all four corners.  The house is centered on a little postage stamp of ground, accessible only from the front curb (no alley in back, not parking out back).  Basically, there's no way to pretend I'm not home and now way to slip out the back if someone comes a-knocking and I don't want to be home.

Even so, I've spent the last 5 years building my little hut into what I now sarcastically refer to as "The Mansion," complete with the "Estate Grounds" and the previously mentioned "Cabana," which tops off what I have recently started calling "The Resort."  Essentially, a visitor could come in through the entrance gates (yes, it's double-gated - more on that later), sit a spell on the porch swing, listen to the soothing water of the fountain, partake of a cocktail on the Cabana, slip into the back yard to tour a very colorful perimeter garden....you get the idea - it's become a very tranquil, beautiful, relaxing space. 

Building this haven has been a great journey - and understand that it's still under construction, so there are plenty of ongoing projects as I chase the dream of some totally zen space with great feng shui.....the journey to create my own private paradise.

Even though there's plenty more to be done, I realized the other day, as I wandered through the yard watering flowers before work, "I love home." 

I realize not everyone has the crazy ambition I have to tear up perfectly good grass and replace it with hardscape,  flowers and plants.  I know my contractor friend has probably spent hours shaking his head as I've sought his feedback on thousands of ideas to maximize the space in this tiny house.  Many people prefer to hire someone to do the work, where I'm an avid do-it-yourself person.  Many only buy brand new, where I'm a cheapskate bargain-hunter and re-purpose type person who spends hours surfing craigslist and pondering, "Now, what could I do with that?"

All that said....no matter what path you take, I encourage everyone to create a home that is a haven.  There's so much to do between career/job, entertainment/social, and the basic daily rat race......at the end of the day, I still agree with Dorothy.....There's no place like home!