I'm a person who has a difficult time making decisions. Not like ice cream flavors - I really like only a few flavors enough to eat a whole dish - even with 52 flavors on the board. But putting a remote in my hand in a house with 200 tv channels is a total nightmare for me. Too many choices!
Honestly, choosing from several fairly equal options is a challenge. A or B makes life much easier for me. Most people like options... love choices....but, too many choices take me too long to weigh and compare.
But the big and potentially life-changing decisions are the hardest. And even more so when it's not just my life.
Over a month ago, I made the decision to pursue chemotherapy treatment for my dog. He's my BEST friend. And after 3 surgeries to remove new tumors, 3 months in a row, it seemed that choice was almost made for me. I mean, what's the alternative? More surgeries? Or...do nothing? I can't even fathom how to do that....the doing nothing option. Still, it was an excruciating decision.
After a week of horrible gastrointestinal side effects and him barely wanting to move, I started to question my decision. Maybe fortunately, his first 2-week lab check brought results that stopped the treatment. I've been enjoying his slow return to normal, but the vet finally caught up with me and we had to discuss next steps and I had to make a new decision rather quickly. A different kind of chemo...
My mom tells me you can't second guess. You just make the best decision you can and stand by it.
So, knowing the potential side effects and the impacts the whole thing will have on me (mostly things that will bring even more stress), I'll move forward with sadness, pray a lot, and hope for the best.
When more than one big and potentially life-changing decision looms, it is very tempting to stick my head in the sand and hope that when I come up for air, the decision has somehow been made for me. There have been way too many of those types of decisions in the past year. And ignoring them never did make them go away. There are days when I still wonder if I made the right decisions.
Some of the other decisions that lie ahead are big ones. I know myself well enough to know that making these decisions will likely be harder than dealing with the consequences of the final ruling.
I sure do miss the days of choosing A, B, or maybe C. And what I miss more is the ability to make a decision and move forward without ever missing a beat.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Understanding Your Influence
I'm a person of MANY interests. I enjoy so many activities, from African drumming and martial arts to landscaping and creative writing. Some of those have lasted years, others, as with anyone, have ebbed and flowed and some have fallen by the wayside.
Enjoying any given activity is generally something that stays with a person. Sure, we can lose interest, and sometimes we get hooked on certain things based on the life circumstances or situations of any given time. For example, people may be coaching children's soccer only when their children are involved. That kind of change is pretty normal.
What I find to be sad is that people can maintain interests and enjoyment in activities, yet, ultimately be put off by the people they need to tolerate in the meantime. "Why can't we all just get along?" you ask...If only it was that simple. People really can be a valid deterrent to pursuing your life's pleasures - simple or otherwise.
As I've personally experienced this phenomenon, I can attest that it's true. And, sad to say, I've dropped out of some activities that were very enjoyable, satisfying, and rewarding because people tainted the experience for me. Why do I give people that much power? Again, if only it was as simple as ignoring the people that come with it.
But I write this, not to complain. (Although I really do miss some of the things I've done, both hobbies and pleasure, as well as jobs.)
It's just as important to realize the influence each of us has to either build up or tear down, to enhance or detract from the experience of the people around us.
I personally never want to be the reason anyone turns away from their dream, quits a job, or gives up something they enjoy.
If you don't have anything good to say....maybe it's better to say nothing at all. You'd be surprised at who's listening, watching, or simply putting up with your actions....
Enjoying any given activity is generally something that stays with a person. Sure, we can lose interest, and sometimes we get hooked on certain things based on the life circumstances or situations of any given time. For example, people may be coaching children's soccer only when their children are involved. That kind of change is pretty normal.
What I find to be sad is that people can maintain interests and enjoyment in activities, yet, ultimately be put off by the people they need to tolerate in the meantime. "Why can't we all just get along?" you ask...If only it was that simple. People really can be a valid deterrent to pursuing your life's pleasures - simple or otherwise.
As I've personally experienced this phenomenon, I can attest that it's true. And, sad to say, I've dropped out of some activities that were very enjoyable, satisfying, and rewarding because people tainted the experience for me. Why do I give people that much power? Again, if only it was as simple as ignoring the people that come with it.
But I write this, not to complain. (Although I really do miss some of the things I've done, both hobbies and pleasure, as well as jobs.)
It's just as important to realize the influence each of us has to either build up or tear down, to enhance or detract from the experience of the people around us.
I personally never want to be the reason anyone turns away from their dream, quits a job, or gives up something they enjoy.
If you don't have anything good to say....maybe it's better to say nothing at all. You'd be surprised at who's listening, watching, or simply putting up with your actions....
Monday, September 19, 2011
5 Minutes
I worked all day. Busy, busy. Important work, they say.
Had to stay a little late this evening. I've always been one of the late people at work - I think I like the peace of being alone in there, even though I'm still just in my cube.
It's quiet. And I've spent years greeting the people who come after hours to clean the offices.
Tonight, I spent 5 minutes talking with the guy assigned to my floor. We've exchanged hellos before, but little more. He started out asking if my cube neighbor had moved, yet. He had told him he was moving away. Yes, he had. But he continued to talk. Checking in about the recent flood impact and relaying his own. But what caught my attention was where he lives, where he came from, how did he end up there....
It was a short conversation, but I learned about his family, about his challenges, the reason he walks with a forearm crutch, and his determination to recover from a tumor operation that left him unable to walk.
It only took 5 minutes to listen....
I did my "important work" all day long and didn't feel the satisfaction I felt in that 5 minutes of my day....
Had to stay a little late this evening. I've always been one of the late people at work - I think I like the peace of being alone in there, even though I'm still just in my cube.
It's quiet. And I've spent years greeting the people who come after hours to clean the offices.
Tonight, I spent 5 minutes talking with the guy assigned to my floor. We've exchanged hellos before, but little more. He started out asking if my cube neighbor had moved, yet. He had told him he was moving away. Yes, he had. But he continued to talk. Checking in about the recent flood impact and relaying his own. But what caught my attention was where he lives, where he came from, how did he end up there....
It was a short conversation, but I learned about his family, about his challenges, the reason he walks with a forearm crutch, and his determination to recover from a tumor operation that left him unable to walk.
It only took 5 minutes to listen....
I did my "important work" all day long and didn't feel the satisfaction I felt in that 5 minutes of my day....
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Making Connections
In all areas of my life, I have the opportunity to come into contact with a LOT of people. Work people, dog people, drumming people, community people, and that's just the tip of the iceberg. I'm not saying that I have more opportunity than most people, but those specific pockets have big social potential.
What may be unique is that I often feel drawn to actually connect with so many people in those arenas.
Admittedly, I am much more of a one-on-one person than a crowd person. I can be in crowds and participate in activities that are "group" in nature, but I'm much more content when I can feel engaged in smaller groups or with individuals. If it comes down to a matter of quality vs. quantity, I guess I prefer the richness of my relationships.
At work, recently, I find myself face-to-face with people I worked alongside nearly 20 years ago. The memories aren't as clear, and I can't name their children any more, but there's something about the flicker of recognition in their eyes and the way we pause for more than just a quick "hello" that tells me I've been this way for a very long time. And with my newer work colleagues, the nature of my job, and the advent of facebook that sometimes blends my personal and professional lives, the connections go beyond the workplace.
In my life outside of work, it's even more evident that I not only connect, but almost attach to people, often in the most unlikely ways. Not that it bothers me, but the realization of that fact really wonders me.
About a week ago, I sat across the street on the neighbor's porch with the kids and their mom. As I sat with my legs dangling over the front of the porch, I soaked up the familiarity of that position - just a year ago, I spent collective hours sitting right there, feeding and trying to befriend a large number of feral cats in the hopes of trapping and placing them in safe new homes.
As I sat there, I thought about three of the seven I was able to re-home in a single place, and made a mental note to check back in with the woman who was kind enough to take them. All of the new homes were found through craigslist, believe it or not. And of three homes, this one was the best. Two kitties were trapped in the first round and the lady was patient and willing enough to take the last one, which took me weeks to catch.
Maybe it was the shared journey that lasted more than just a trap, transport, and transfer that created a deeper connection, but I felt so blessed for that more lasting connection. These kitties were to become barn kitties and live safely in a large tack room. I was able to visit them after they moved there, and as I lived many years with horses in my life, she invited me to see the new baby (horse, that is) and also invited me over to ride. We only rode once, but it was a huge event for me to be back in the saddle after so many years, and she even took pictures of me that I posted on facebook! The last kitty placed with her turned up with a painful internal infection and had to be put down. Sad, but I guess that was part of the journey, too.
It's been a busy week, and I haven't been on facebook much, but I did see a few pics she posted and commented on at least one. It slipped my mind to check in on the kitties after the mental note I made a week ago. What a pleasant surprise to see her chat me up on facebook this morning, specifically to let me know that the kitties (Mr. Bill and Maggie) are doing great and are now her friends! We chatted a few minutes and I felt bad that I had totally missed the fact that her husband passed away two months ago. I never met him, but I did know he'd been sick. My heart goes out to her for such a loss after more than 40 years together - 39 married.
So, all that to say, it may be hard to keep up with so many people, but I feel so blessed to have those connections. And that one isn't the only lasting friendship that came from a simple craigslist ad! I have one lady who calls to check in on me and my dog, Solomon, as we've both had health issues in the past year. Another periodically emails photos to me so show how a life-size dummy she got from me is helping with each new fund-raising activity.
It's a rich life.
Make connections....it's worth every single second it takes to stop and say more than "hello."
What may be unique is that I often feel drawn to actually connect with so many people in those arenas.
Admittedly, I am much more of a one-on-one person than a crowd person. I can be in crowds and participate in activities that are "group" in nature, but I'm much more content when I can feel engaged in smaller groups or with individuals. If it comes down to a matter of quality vs. quantity, I guess I prefer the richness of my relationships.
At work, recently, I find myself face-to-face with people I worked alongside nearly 20 years ago. The memories aren't as clear, and I can't name their children any more, but there's something about the flicker of recognition in their eyes and the way we pause for more than just a quick "hello" that tells me I've been this way for a very long time. And with my newer work colleagues, the nature of my job, and the advent of facebook that sometimes blends my personal and professional lives, the connections go beyond the workplace.
In my life outside of work, it's even more evident that I not only connect, but almost attach to people, often in the most unlikely ways. Not that it bothers me, but the realization of that fact really wonders me.
About a week ago, I sat across the street on the neighbor's porch with the kids and their mom. As I sat with my legs dangling over the front of the porch, I soaked up the familiarity of that position - just a year ago, I spent collective hours sitting right there, feeding and trying to befriend a large number of feral cats in the hopes of trapping and placing them in safe new homes.
As I sat there, I thought about three of the seven I was able to re-home in a single place, and made a mental note to check back in with the woman who was kind enough to take them. All of the new homes were found through craigslist, believe it or not. And of three homes, this one was the best. Two kitties were trapped in the first round and the lady was patient and willing enough to take the last one, which took me weeks to catch.
Maybe it was the shared journey that lasted more than just a trap, transport, and transfer that created a deeper connection, but I felt so blessed for that more lasting connection. These kitties were to become barn kitties and live safely in a large tack room. I was able to visit them after they moved there, and as I lived many years with horses in my life, she invited me to see the new baby (horse, that is) and also invited me over to ride. We only rode once, but it was a huge event for me to be back in the saddle after so many years, and she even took pictures of me that I posted on facebook! The last kitty placed with her turned up with a painful internal infection and had to be put down. Sad, but I guess that was part of the journey, too.
It's been a busy week, and I haven't been on facebook much, but I did see a few pics she posted and commented on at least one. It slipped my mind to check in on the kitties after the mental note I made a week ago. What a pleasant surprise to see her chat me up on facebook this morning, specifically to let me know that the kitties (Mr. Bill and Maggie) are doing great and are now her friends! We chatted a few minutes and I felt bad that I had totally missed the fact that her husband passed away two months ago. I never met him, but I did know he'd been sick. My heart goes out to her for such a loss after more than 40 years together - 39 married.
So, all that to say, it may be hard to keep up with so many people, but I feel so blessed to have those connections. And that one isn't the only lasting friendship that came from a simple craigslist ad! I have one lady who calls to check in on me and my dog, Solomon, as we've both had health issues in the past year. Another periodically emails photos to me so show how a life-size dummy she got from me is helping with each new fund-raising activity.
It's a rich life.
Make connections....it's worth every single second it takes to stop and say more than "hello."
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