Decisions, Decisions...

I'm a person who has a difficult time making decisions.  Not like ice cream flavors - I really like only a few flavors enough to eat a whole dish - even with 52 flavors on the board.  But putting a remote in my hand in a house with 200 tv channels is a total nightmare for me.  Too many choices!

Honestly, choosing from several fairly equal options is a challenge.  A or B makes life much easier for me.  Most people like options... love choices....but, too many choices take me too long to weigh and compare. 

But the big and potentially life-changing decisions are the hardest.  And even more so when it's not just my life.

Over a month ago, I made the decision to pursue chemotherapy treatment for my dog.  He's my BEST friend.  And after 3 surgeries to remove new tumors, 3 months in a row, it seemed that choice was almost made for me.  I mean, what's the alternative?  More surgeries?  Or...do nothing?  I can't even fathom how to do that....the doing nothing option.  Still, it was an excruciating decision.

After a week of horrible gastrointestinal side effects and him barely wanting to move, I started to question my decision.  Maybe fortunately, his first 2-week lab check brought results that stopped the treatment.  I've been enjoying his slow return to normal, but the vet finally caught up with me and we had to discuss next steps and I had to make a new decision rather quickly.  A different kind of chemo...

My mom tells me you can't second guess.  You just make the best decision you can and stand by it.

So, knowing the potential side effects and the impacts the whole thing will have on me (mostly things that will bring even more stress), I'll move forward with sadness, pray a lot, and hope for the best.

When more than one big and potentially life-changing decision looms, it is very tempting to stick my head in the sand and hope that when I come up for air, the decision has somehow been made for me.  There have been way too many of those types of decisions in the past year.  And ignoring them never did make them go away.  There are days when I still wonder if I made the right decisions.

Some of the other decisions that lie ahead are big ones.  I know myself well enough to know that making these decisions will likely be harder than dealing with the consequences of the final ruling.

I sure do miss the days of choosing A, B, or maybe C.  And what I miss more is the ability to make a decision and move forward without ever missing a beat.